OMG, shoes

I awoke dreeaming about shoes. I was in this mall-like place with people I don't enjoy much in waking life and we were looking at this place where you put your feet in trash bags and they trace you all up and then create for you a pair of individual shoes. I was hesitant (since I want and need a new pair of hooves in waking life and apparently in dream life, too) but also strangely obsessed with the whole process. I woke up just as dream-friend was putting his feet in the bags and the shoe-maker was emerging from the back to help us.

What could this possibly mean? Shoes could be representative of stability? of status? of standing on my own two feet? of that stupid youtube video (www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCF3ywukQYA) that I am oddly in love with. Humph.

As my big burphday partay looms I am thinkiing more and more about this notion of identity. How that identity changes over time! Certainly when I was younger I was more focused on WHO I AM and what that looks like, how I manifest that, and what that means. These days I am less intereseted; I care more about kindness, and being honest about what I want and how I feel. These days I am less interested in being some "consistent" person-- especially if that comes at the expense of changing my mind and being wrong. Life is here to be lived, no? Life is here to be present for, not to for forcing and shoving and imposing our will around. More and more the activities that feel important to me live with the people who are important to me-- more so than art, or ideas, or beauty. This particular me has been around the sun almost 33 years. 33 fucking years-- Goddess help us! But that is a long time to be here. Of course, it is nothing on most time scales (the geological one, the galactical one...) And I don't feel "old" really. I feel more and more humble if anything. Maybe that is what being around teen-agers all day does to ya-- they are really, for the most part, the opposite of humble. And having been first hand witness all day most days, except summer, to the mess that attitude whips up I am more and more interested in manifesting humility.

In fact, one of the short quotes up in my classroom is a line from an Ani song: humility has buoyancy. And in my experience so far, truer words were never sung!